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In order to have the opportunity to get to know the men and women described in the previous lessons, we need, I would posit, to establish the kind of environment which is inviting in nature and which will promote their active participation.  I learned this clearly when I joined the staff of Fountain House, and observed first-hand the ease of getting to know people when the environment is so supportive, in contrast that of the cold, sterile and distance-based impersonal state hospital setting.  While the hospital did not preclude getting to know patients, it was infinitely harder to do so in comparison to the sense of warmth and equality present in the clubhouse.

John has summed up this point:  “In brief, community-based rehabilitation facilities can be created which serve a variety of primary human needs. First, such facilities should recognize and celebrate the fundamental equality of needs felt by patient and nonpatient. Second, they should be the vehicles for a process — without time limitation — that fosters relationships of mutual help and support, and instills a strong sense of responsibility. These facilities should provide equal access for all participants to social, work and housing opportunities. Most significantly, such a place should have as a goal the individual’s change from a condition of dependence to a state of independence.”

Having this kind of intentional community and restorative environment has made it possible to establish meaningful, productive relationships that have proven to be valuable to both the so-called “provider” and equally so-called “consumer.”

Lesson #7 – Relationships are Key

John describes how we first really got to know each other:  “The first real interaction I had with Tom was about 1977.  I was a member then, and we were working together in…research.  Tom came to me and said, “How would you like to go to Montana?”  I remembered my initial thought was ‘Gee, I wish you had asked me to go to Oregon, because I had always wanted to go there.’  But I said ‘yes’, and we went on a site visit and had a great time.  We went to Great Falls, and Tom put his “tootsies” in the falls, and that was the beginning of a lengthy collaboration between the two of us.”

Mark entered my life in 1978, when with a co-worker, we traveled to Columbia, Maryland to speak at the Mental Health Association of Maryland Annual Meeting.  Our topic dealt with what is seen as helpful to someone returning to the community from the hospital. In part, Mark had this to say:  “I wish I could stand here and say that I’ve been cured of mental illness at Fountain House.  But I’m still very much in the process of getting myself together.   I came to Fountain House in 1973 after having had a severe nervous breakdown and…hospital(ization).  I was still in pretty bad shape…

“It’s been five years since that day and I’ve had quite a few experiences… I think that’s one of the best things about the house, that it offers such a wide variety of experiences… I’m optimistic about the future, and after five years with Fountain House I think I can safely say, it works.”

Mark’s story was met with exuberant applause.  Beyond the audience’s response, this presentation also had a profound effect on me.  I was very moved by the honesty, genuineness and depth with which Mark described his personal struggle to achieve meaning and purpose in life.  He was also effective in generalizing all of this to others. One result of this trip was the initiation of an association between the two of us and also our families, which continues to this day.

Bob loved to “lament (sic),  From the first moment I met him, he expressed his sorrows.  The problem was that almost always he had a slight smile as he lamented. So began a long productive relationship which he put into words in 2004, at the Asian Regional Clubhouse Seminar in Hong Kong:  “Today my life is better because of (the clubhouse).  In 1981, I received my Bachelor’s degree, but could not hold a job.  So, I returned to Fountain House.  Over the intervening years, the community has helped immeasurably.  I owe a particular debt to (my worker).  He has stuck by me all the way and taught me so much about coping with life.”

In Hong Kong we celebrated one of Bob’s proudest moments.  Prior to his presentation, he confided to me that the other main purpose in coming on the trip was to purchase a tailor-made suit, for which Hong Kong is famous, and to pay for it out of his own earned money.  It was crucial, of course, to get the suit in time for him to wear it at his presentation.  So we went shopping and indeed he was successful in buying a wonderful gray suit.  There are pictures of him following the presentation, and it is difficult to decide whether the proud and joyful smile on his face was due more for the reception to his speech or the fact that he had this brand new suit. Probably both!

There is no denying that Bob and I enjoyed a good and deep relationship.  He was with my family for Thanksgiving for several years.  I made it a point to attend at least three of his marathons, taking photos of his crossing the finish line.  When I became Director of Laurel House in New Jersey in 2008, he took the train to New Brunswick to visit the program, bringing a gift for the members there.

Rudy talked about the importance of the relationship he developed with the Fountain House comptroller:  “Paul initially got to see me as a responsible working person. I answered the telephone, did filing, and handled purchase order numbers.  I was doing the things that allowed me to earn my first paycheck in 30 years.  For example, I worked the switchboard in (the Fountain House) Clerical (office) and then went and got a (part-time) placement working the switchboard at the Village Voice.”

Paul, Rudy’s supervisor, describes what happened this way:  “(Rudy had) already been in accounting, and our conversation revolved around work. But after time, I found that I related to him on other issues. There’s a rapport that lets us talk about anything.”

When Rudy reached retirement age, he left the Financial Services area to perform volunteer work at the Intrepid Air/Space Museum, but as Paul said:  “We share so many interests that our relationship didn’t end when Rudy left the Unit. We still have lunch or dinner or just get together to talk.”

A couple of years later, Rudy was rehospitalized, and Paul went to visit him.  Rudy said:  “Not only did Paul come, he came with fruit, flowers and with caring. It meant more to me than he can ever know.”

This series is an abstraction from a larger writing, pending publication; therefore, any reference to (or quotation from) any of the series must be made with the expressed permission of the author. Requests can be made at
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